Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Our Immortal Touchstones

“We’re all made of stories. When they finally put us underground, the stories are what will go on. Not forever, perhaps, but for a time. It’s a kind of immortality.” Charles de Lint

Bjarki hesitates seeing one of the cats in the yard and slides quietly down on his belly in the grass. A gentle tug on his leash earns me a ‘what for’ arch of his brow. I plop down beside him, turning my face up toward the sun already baking the top of my head. Bjarki leans into me, pushing a tendril of a blue cornflower weed against my arm. I’m momentarily assaulted by the memory of blood flecked arms and clothes behind closed eyes, casting an abstract testament of pain in blood on the wall behind me.

“Why did it have to be Leukemia?”

A wet muzzle draws me back to the present, gold-specked hazel eyes gaze up at me. With a smile, my pain melts into a pool of serenity and quiet reverence. This bull-in-a-china-shop pup  beside me is the best example of Pickles lessons in play. She imparted the patience and tenacity which I needed to guide Bjarki in her absence, she taught me how to experience his wonderment, and to appreciate the calm between those moments of curious abandonment.

The neighbor’s dog makes a noisy entrance, racing the length of fence between our yards. Bjarki watches silently, cocking his head back and forth. I feel the sigh ripple through his chest and down the length of his back, before he turns to glance at me questioning. The yearning to run and play with another dog rolls off him as he stares after the yellow lab in the next yard. He misses her too. 

“I’m not quite ready to cross that bridge yet, little buddy.” I whisper, kissing the top of his head.
Pickles had that same look for years. You had to wait until she retired before getting Bjarki. He’s not a working dog, what’s stopping you now? I’m not/won’t, I can’t replace her…(Later on I’ll credit Pickles for winning that argument playing out in my head. Her want and love, were the deciding factor for me.)

These days there is a rightness, a balance in the house, marked by the resounding stampede of paws running up and down the stairs. Bjarki has a new playmate – Yazhi, a Doberman/Coon
Mix rescue from South Carolina. She’s only a month younger than Bjarki, but it’s already obvious who’s going to be the giant of the two. I couldn’t have picked a more appropriate name for her; Yazhi means ‘little one’ in Navajo. She’s the calm to Bjarki’s storm.

Without further ado, meet the pups who will carry Pickles legacy forward:

011 A

 Bjarki is 5 1/2 months. He's part Doberman, Shepard, and Labrador. He's already tilting toward 50lbs on the scale. He's my gentle giant.

048 A

Yazhi is 4 1/2 months. She's a Doberman Pinscher and Coon Mix and far more mellower than Bjarki. 

Hopefully after the summer, sometime in Sept., I'll be able to get back to some kind of schedule here. The pups are only young once and I aim to enjoy every single moment. Thank you, for all the well wishes and support in the last 2 months. Pickles touched so many hearts and left this one missing her dearly.

“Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality.” ~ Emily Dickinson


  1. Beautiful dogs and very moving passage. You are so spiritual that it infuses every aspect of your writing.

  2. this is beautiful news my friend....the friends we have lost never really leave us. since we lost kitty we've been able to find two more cats and another dog, so it a way, i feel like i have been given back all the pets i lost to all the moving and drama as a child.

    be well my friend- so good to hear from you-


  3. I know another precious doggie can never take Pickles place but these two can start a place of their own in your heart. So good to see you posting again.

  4. I am so glad to see you post! I hope you are returning from the land of grief a stronger woman!


  5. I love the pics! Pickles would be very pleased. Glad to see you again. *hugs*

  6. Are you hiding from me? I rarely see you post... enough of that...

    So you have two new entries into your life. I am happy for you and I hope that you are doing well. Take care!!

    Love & Rockets!

  7. Love that you have not one, but two new pups!!!

  8. Ahhhh. I've missed you! And I am saying this off the cuff, without thinking. My thinking mind will tell you I have no capacity for miss, or love, or connection. And so I speak immediately with longing and wonder of it. Such a mess. Such a journey. Our conversation (although cyber-spaced) in the airport one day, is very much a part of me. I don't remember the words, but I remember you being there and how it helped. I am grinning over these new dogs. I know how important they are and will be. "The neighbor’s dog makes a noisy entrance, racing the length of fence between our yards." I am thinking how well the deaf describe sound :-)....far better than I!

  9. I am glad to imagine the joy and new life these puppies will bring. Hugs to you my friend.

  10. 50 pounds 5.5 months. That dog must eat like a trove of teenagers! Good looking pair though, solace is found not in love but companionship.

  11. Congrats on the puppies, they look beautiful! :)

  12. I'm glad to see you posting, Indy. :-) I can't imagine the work (and fun) of not having one, but TWO pups at your heals. Good days ahead.

  13. My deepest sorrows for your loss of apologies due to my health issues I'm just seeing these last 2 posts. my heart goes out to you deeply and know there's no words to express the pain at times like these. there will be only one Pickles and I know you will always carry her in a special place in your heart. may these 2 new pups bring you much Love to heal your pain. Blessings my friend. I have been thinking of you. I'll be in touch...sending love and hugz!!!

  14. They're beautiful - and I'm sure, quite a handful. Enjoy the rest of the summer with your beautiful babies. :)

  15. It's nice to see you back, Indigo. The dogs are beautiful. That's adorable that you call them your muse apprentices. :)

  16. wow... one look at them and I can see where your time has gone. I am so glad that you are doing alright Indigo. You might want to order a couple of saddles for those two so that you can keep up with

    God Bless you Indigo!

  17. I'm pleased you've got yourself a new dog, Indigo. A new companion for the journey :-)

  18. the calm to Bjarki’s storm. I love that. Sounds like you have a good balance

  19. Dogs are the best of the best.

  20. Aw! I love the pictures of the dogs. <3 Hope you have a great time with them. I'm just getting back from a break too. It was well worth it. <3

  21. Hi Indigo thanks for visiting:-)

  22. Indigo,

    You have some adorable companions! I'm glad to see you're taking a little bit of time to adjust to everything, including the pups and their energy. I know losing someone you care about is hard, and I think it just takes putting one foot in front of the other. Hopefully you'll have the incredibly cute smiles of Bjarki and Yazhi to get you through.


  23. I'm glad you have two new residents at Casa de Indigo. Call me crazy, but I just got a really groovy vibe when I clicked on this post and saw them. I have a good feeling about these two.

    I am reminded daily of your love for your sweet Pickles. I have a giant, as well. 85 lb. Ozwald is an Old English Sheepdog and a total pain in my ass but I love him completely.

    Keep hanging in there, sister. Its all we can do.

    Kristin H. (formerly of Jilli Java.)


Thank you for giving my silence a voice, my muse your words, and taking the time to discover my prose.